New Government programs to help again.

[tcmtech]

Subject: New Government Programs for the elderly

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and
reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).


Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).


Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of **** they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the **** you can handle.

Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.


We all knew it was coming but just didn't imagine they would be so honest about it this time around.

 

[Mikebits]

Well, I thought it was funny. I sent it on to my Dad.

 

[audioguru]

I am in Canada, not in America or any other 3rd-world country.
The minimum wage is pretty high here. My medicare costs nothing and is excellent.
Taxes here are reasonable since the standard of living and wages are high.
There are no ghettos and not much poverty here.
There is not much crime here (mostly by visiting Americans).

 

[Mikebits]

I am in Canada, not in America or any other 3rd-world country.
The minimum wage is pretty high here. My medicare costs nothing and is excellent.
Taxes here are reasonable since the standard of living and wages are high.
There are no ghettos and not much poverty here.
There is not much crime here (mostly by visiting Americans).

And thanks to the blanket of protection that America provides for Canada to enjoy, Canada does not have to spend billions on defense. How nice for you guys.

 

[audioguru]

And thanks to the blanket of protection that America provides for Canada to enjoy, Canada does not have to spend billions on defense. How nice for you guys.

Canada does not start wars like America does so we don't need "protection".
We need protection from visiting Americans with their crime and guns.

 

[Mikebits]

Despite your comments, The US and Canada work bilaterally in world action, albeit the Iraq conflict created a strain on relations. Aside from that, the US and Canada are the worlds largest trading partners. So like it or not, we are buddies

 

[bryan1]

Well getting back on topic the first post was a classic and had me in stitch's, I had to get the missus over and she was laughing too.....

TCM if you don't mind I'll copy this post and throw it on an Aussie forum as a new Liberal election Add. This is too good to let go

Cheers Bryan


P.S my thread on an Aussie version

Homegrown Power: New Liberial Election Promise

 

[tcmtech]

TCM if you don't mind I'll copy this post and throw it on an Aussie forum as a new Liberal election Add. This is too good to let go

Thats what it here for! I figured I got a good laugh so the rest of the world should as well.