Toaster: Howdy doodly do. How's it going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?
Lister: Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast.
Toaster: How 'bout a muffin?
Lister: Or muffins. Or muffins. We don't like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks.
Toaster: Aah, so you're a waffle man.
Rimmer: Congratulations, Kryten, your vote has just killed everyone.
Holly: [
her IQ has been increased to 12,000] Strike a light! I'm a genius again! I know everything! Metaphysics, philosophy, the purpose of being-everything! Ask me a question, any question, and I'll answer it.
Talkie Toaster: Any question?
Holly: Yes.
Talkie Toaster: How to break the speed of light? How to marry quantum mechanics and classical physics? Any question at all, truly anything and you will answer?
Holly: Yes.
Talkie Toaster: OK, here's my question: Would you like some toast?
Holly: No, thank you. Now ask me another.
Talkie Toaster: Do you know anything about the use of chaos theory in predicting weather cycles?
Holly: I know everything there is to know about chaos theory and predicting weather cycles.
Talkie Toaster: Oh, very well. Here's my second question: Would you like a crumpet?
Holly: I'm a computer with an I.Q. of 12,000. You don't seem to understand; I know the meaning of the universe.
Talkie Toaster: That's not answering my question.
Holly: [
irritated] No, I would not like a crumpet! Now ask me a sensible question, preferably one that isn't bread related.
Talkie Toaster: Very well. I have a third question. A sensible question. A question that will tax your new I.Q. to its very limits and stretch the sinews of you knowledge to bursting point.
Holly: This is going to be about waffles, isn't it?
Talkie Toaster: Certainly not. And I resent the implication that I'm a one-dimensional, bread-obsessed electrical appliance.
Holly: I apologise, toaster. What's the question?
Talkie Toaster: The question is this: Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite... would you like a toasted teacake?
Holly: That's another bready question.
Talkie Toaster: It's not just bready. It's quite curranty, too.
Talkie Toaster: [
Holly is shutting herself off] Wait, before you go, there is one question, an important one, the others will have to know!
Holly: [
alarmed] What? What?
Talkie Toaster: Would you like a cheese and ham Breville?