I'm talking about brand new vehicles, so no 'wrong parts', and the 'problem' is explained in the owners manuals. If you don't have some way of allowing the speed to vary between axles (like a centre diff) then you will get problems on high grip surfaces like clean roads.The only 4X4 I ever had problems driving with 4WD engaged was my last Chevy S10. It had the front axle changed at some time in its life. The front had a different ratio in it than the rear, worked great off road but chattered badly on a paved surface with the front engaged.
I've had too many to count 4X4s in my life, starting with Jeeps and other than the last S10 have had no problems when driving at speeds under 55MPH in 4WD. The truck I'm driving now is a extended cab Chevy Silverado, and works just fine in 4WD on the road, did it just a couple of weeks ago during a bad snow fall here.
Stuff like you guys are talking about must not have the same ratio at both ends. I was in a 4WD club years ago and no one ever complained about what you guys are talking about, we drove Jeeps, Land Cruisers, Chevy trucks and Ford trucks All with no road complaints.
Incidentally, I mentioned 'Vintage Voltage' above, and a vehicle they converted the other week was a series 2 Land Rover, and they removed all the diffs and replaced them with 'something else' - can't remember what they were called, but essentially three limited slip diffs, so all wheels were driven at all times, but not at the same speed.