throbscottle
Well-Known Member
Hmm, with me it's people who are cruel to animals
Yeah and kidsHmm, with me it's people who are cruel to animals
About 20 years ago here is San Diego, an ex Army Vet stole a tank, and rampaged thru SD. In the end he lost his life.I've been threatening (wishing) to own a machine like that to drive around for years. The ultimate road rage ride (I love alliterations)
Yes, what is this, "need" for turmoil?just another example of her irrationality. I think he is just too nice.
Yes, what is this, "need" for turmoil?
I didn't understand it when I first got into a serious relationship, and I still don't, but I have learned how to navigate it.
I'm a pretty agreeable person. I'll concede even when I know I'm right (if it's not that important), I'll stay objective, and I'll try to maintain a calm, rational proceeding of disagreement.
In a word, "nice" as you say.
But the wife, I think she needs a quarterly (or at least biannual) fight.
I can feel it coming a week or more prior; it's like a tension that builds and builds. I can tell that everything I say or do irritates her, even if she doesn't come right out and tell me.
She looks for things to ***** about, and if I leave no low hanging fruit, she invents offenses out of thin air.
When I can tell she's ripe, I just turn into the Asphole she sees me for, and I let her have it.
We have our fight (verbal, never physical) about nothing and everything, she cries, makes me feel bad, I apologize, admit it was all my fault, and that's the end of it.
She gets it out of her system and everything returns to normal for the next few months.
The fight usually coincides with her menstrual cycle, but it can't be wholly attributed to that; it's like the menstrual wave is just a carrier for a lower frequency biittch wave.
I figured out though early on, that if I do not indulge her fight cravings, things only get worse.
At the peak of the first wave, we weren't quite a year married, and it looked like we might be heading toward the end.
For over a month I kept trying to be cool and calm and handle her irrational beefs with me by pointing out the flaws in her logic. That only added fuel to the fire.
She threatened to leave and go back to the Philippines. I knew that if she left I'd probably never see her again.
She was 7 months pregnant with our first baby and I told her that if she was going to leave, I wanted her gone before the baby was born.
I told her I didn't want to see that precious baby face and fall in love with it, only to have it ripped away from me.
She was appalled that I would respond that way instead of begging for her to stay; I guess she saw it as a "dick move."
So ensued our first big fight. And then in less than 2 days it was over and we were back to being madly in love.
The next time the beast came back around I already knew what needed to happen but I did it a lot sooner, before threats of separation.
The time after that, I tried even sooner. Too soon that time. That time, I really was a dick, and I really did feel bad about it.
But then I knew when/where the "sweet spot" was - The time when she's ripe and I give her hell.
I have no idea the reason for this, but I theorize it's some kind of primal instinct.
I theorize that as much as popular feminist propaganda would like us to believe, men are biologically wired to be dominant, and women are biologically wired to be submissive.
I theorize that women crave domination kind of like how a child craves discipline.
If you don't discipline a child, they will act out. They will be unhappy. They will push the bounds, way past where the bounds are. They will literally taunt you to punish them. Disciplined kids are happy kids. They know where the boundaries are, and they are happy to remain within the boundaries, albeit with an occasional test to see if the boundaries have moved.
I think that women are the same way. They have a biological need to be clubbed over the head and dragged around by their hair behind a caveman.
If you're too nice, they subconsciously feel like there's something missing; like there's something you're not giving them that they deserve - a good show of force.
My experience says that the egotistical womanizer, despite all the negative things women say about him, is the one most likely to have his pick among women.
My experience says that the nice guy finishes last.
My experience says that you can be good hearted, nice person, and still get the girl. But if you want to keep her, occasionally you're going to have to go out of your way to give her a good firm reminder who's boss.
I realize that in 2016 in the western world (except maybe in Australia) that last sentence probably sounds sacrilegious, but I just call it like I see it. There has to be a hierarchy; without a chain of command, there is no direction. Someone has to be at the top of the food chain, and from what I can tell, humans' brains are wired such that that role is expected of the male; regardless of what we profess to believe consciously about gender roles, biology has its own agenda.
So unless someone can enlighten me to an alternative viewpoint, I'll continue being the nicest guy on block, until I need to be a dick, and then I'll be a dick.
I'm curious if anyone else has made this observation or has another take on it. If this sounds familiar to you, how do you handle it?
Congratulations man! I didn't know you had gotten married. That's awesome, and a baby on the way! You excited to be a dad? Haha, some little person is going to squeeze out of your wife and puke and crap on you, and you're going to like it.Wow, only quarterly/bi-annual? For me it's quarter/bi-weekly!
I definitely feel like I'm the more logical one in the relationship but I often give in just to end the argument (if it's not too important). If it is important, we both walk away for a while (usually angry) and then come back ten minutes later in better moods, talk it out, apologize, and make up. I'm hoping that as the marriage continues (we just got married in October) the fights (always verbal) come less often. I have been told the first year is the worst.
With a baby on the way, I really hope things settle soon. We'll be stressed enough taking care of our family without having constant arguments with each other!
Matt
Sorry to hear that. I need a reminder from time to time what my priorities should be. You've given me that reminder just now, thank you for sharing your lesson.That was a very good post Strantor. Very true things you said there.
I got divorced because my wife came second to my work and projects. I did not do it on purpose. Just happened that way.
If I have my teeth into a project it comes first
Bad me
I'm learning now how to balance things and keep happiness where it counts most...Mommy (wife) happy....everyone happy
Sigh
tv
I thought about that as I was writing my post but I don't think it really has to do with the fact that she's a woman. I know some very logical women. It's just this one in particular needs some explanation from time to time (I don't love her any less thoughstantor and DS8, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. Do you remember the question: 'Think women are logical'.
Thanks strantor! We're both very excited, though I'm a bit anxious. I've never been good with kids--They all seem scared of me. I'm kind of curious how this little bugger will deal with my strange and awkward behavior.....Congratulations man! I didn't know you had gotten married. That's awesome, and a baby on the way! You excited to be a dad? Haha, some little person is going to squeeze out of your wife and puke and crap on you, and you're going to like it.
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