Post some funny stuff...

[Pommie]

I think most posters here can appreciate this,

Mike.

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

At a marina where I worked, the service manager replaced a water pump that wasn't bad. He wanted me to kill it so it could be used as a warranty part. I wired a 120 volt cord to the 12 volt DC pump and said "plug it in". That poor little pump went into convulsions and vibrated and jumped around for 2 minutes before the magic smoke got out and it died.

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

Old guy gets a call from the IRS, regarding his bank account.
They asked him to come down and explain the large amounts of money coming into & out of his account in a satisfactory manner, otherwise they would have to perform a full audit of all of his past transactions going back many years.
He makes arrangements with his lawyer and attends the IRS building in the morning.
Once seated inside an office, his lawyer beside him, he asks the IRS interviewer what the problem is.
The IRS official states that personal accounts with large cash inflow and outflow have raised a flag, following recent IT upgrades, and to rule out money-laundering etc, an interview is required.
The old guy says the explanation is easy - "I'm a gambling man, I will place a bet on practically anything, in fact I have a bet for you right now."
IRS guy - "Ok, what's your bet?"
Old guy - "I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my own eye."
IRS guy is thinking nobody can do that - "Ok, you're on. $5,000 says you won't do it."
Old takes out his glass eye and bites it - "You owe me $5,000 buddy."

IRS guy shakes his head - "Damn, you got me there."
Old guy - "I want to give you another chance, double or quits?"
IRS guy - "What's the bet?"
Old guy - "I can bite my other eye...."
IRS guy is thinking - 'He walked in here and the lawyer wasn't leading him, he doesn't have a seeing-eye-dog, he can't have another glass eye'...."Ok Sir, I'll take that bet....$10,000 says you can't bite your other eye!".
Old guy pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye with them.
IRS guy - "Damn man, you suckered me there, my wife is gonna kill me."
Old guy - "I'm good at this, but I am fair, I will give you one more chance, double or quits. I am going to stand in this corner here, pee over your desk and get every drop in that trash can in the corner, 20 ft away, without spilling a single drop. You wanna take this bet?"
IRS guy is thinking - 'At his age, he'll probably have a hard time getting past the tips of his shoes.'...."Ok, I'll take you up on that, $20,000 says you won't do that without spilling a drop!"
The old guy drops his pants and sets about peeing. It goes all over the floor, the desk/keyboard/computer/paperwork and even the IRS guy's jacket hanging on his chair.
The IRS guy is jumping around the office, punching the air - "YES! $20,000 for me, Woohoo!"
The lawyer leans forward and puts his head in his hands.
The IRS guy asks the old guy - "What's wrong with him?"
The old guy replies - "At 7:00 this morning, I bet him $100,000 that I could pee all over your office and you would be happy about it. He took the bet!"