start of relationship

Hello, I'm new to this forum and hope to fit in well.
I'm 22, working and studing.

I have no experience with girls. and started talking with one through the messenger, and i dont know how to take it to the next stage, like asking for her phone number.
It just that i dont find many topics for conversation when we speak through messenger, therefore i'm afraid to ask for her number, since it would be embarrassing to not saying something or saying stupid things.

So, despite this, how can i take it up to the next level?

does she live near you? did you ever meet her in person?

ask her if shes going out friday? shell say maybe and you?

you say yeah i was thinking about it.


continue conversation, if she has no plans or no one to go out with, ask her if shed like to go out with you to dinner maybe? a concert? see a band a play?

Worth a try IMO

Meet in a safe place (safe for both of you) preferably somewhere quiet like a snack or coffee shop.

on 2nd though dont do that. ask her if shed like to grab a coffee like mneary said. maybe on a study break or in the evening.

Short, dont expect much.

Pick her up. coffee. out.

hope to see her again maybe you can do it again...then over coffee you can make other plans

MoRoH said:

does she live near you? did you ever meet her in person?

ask her if shes going out friday? shell say maybe and you?

you say yeah i was thinking about it.


continue conversation, if she has no plans or no one to go out with, ask her if shed like to go out with you to dinner maybe? a concert? see a band a play?

Worth a try IMO

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Hey.
She lives not so far but not so close to me (45 minutes drive), and I assume she would say yes if I asked her to go out somewhere.
We didn’t meet in person yet, we just sent each other pictures of us.
The problem is that I don’t have much to talk about with her, it's really bothering me.
I've never went out with a girl, actually I barely went out at all in the last few years.
All I talk about with friends is about academy, sport and electronics, which she doesnt find any of them as interesting.


Is it really common to call her and almost right away ask her to go out?

It seems to me there are as many girls that goes for things that guys tend to thing as strange/weird/embarrassing as there are girls that don't so there's no point worrying. Just do or say something... ANYTHING (within reason of course lol). At the same time, don't expect too much...guys may almost never turn down girls but girls have the ability to brush a guy aside without so much as an afterthought.

It seems that most guys know what is definately beyond the acceptability threshold, but not where that line actually is. To me, it seems like the harder I push the farther away the line goes so I've never crossed it yet.

PS. You don't need good conversation material to talk with a girl. The best conversations are the ones were you talk and talk and talk and then realize you haven't been talking about anything. Really, all you have to do is say something. There's just one requirement...that she actually wants to talk.

If you really like her and know her well over the internet see if you can meet her in person over a coffee, or if she needs something done, help her or something.

Don't ask her to go out with you like boyfriend Girlfriend thing yet but get to know her better.

If you see any opportunity where you can do something with her or for her do it, don't be afraid but don't be too aggressive. Find something she has in common, show interest in what she does ( even if its boring aha just to get to know her)

thats my advice, take it as you will

Lol, I wouldn't say this is the best place for dating advice, most of us are geeks.

I think dating sites are boring. I've tried Internet dating, I've got a few messages and messaged a few girls but the conversation didn't last for very long and I found myself drawn more to forums like this than dating sites.

I suppose I'm looking for new ways to meet women too. I don't like going out and socialising so I'm a bit stuck at the moment. I suppose I should just push myself a bit harder.

I don't consider myself unattractive (women have complemented me before, not just my mother ) but I don't seem to have much luck in clubs I suppose it's the beer that gets to me. Perhaps it's the kind of clubs I go to, I used to have more luck when I went to rock, punk and indie clubs but the people I hang around with only go to places that play hip-hop, garage and drum and bass. I prefer rock than hip-hop so perhaps I gave out a more happy vibe.

Don't be embarrassed, you're never going to see her again. It's not like she works, studies with you're approaching some random girl in a club in front of your friends.

Don't worry about girls, I've never had a proper girlfreind, but I've had a good few one night stands. I used to get depressed about it but it doesn't bother me now.

Hero is right!

His post summarized: GO FOR IT! nothing bad will happen!

Hero999 said:

butI don't seem to have much luck in clubs I suppose it's the beer that gets to me. Perhaps it's the kind of clubs I go to

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I think clubs are the worst places to drink at. It's super expensive and you should be able to keep yourself occupied with things other than your drink...things that you need your wits for . At worst, you walk away with a funny story.

alphadog said:

Hey.
She lives not so far but not so close to me (45 minutes drive), and I assume she would say yes if I asked her to go out somewhere.
We didn’t meet in person yet, we just sent each other pictures of us.
The problem is that I don’t have much to talk about with her, it's really bothering me.
I've never went out with a girl, actually I barely went out at all in the last few years.
All I talk about with friends is about academy, sport and electronics, which she doesnt find any of them as interesting.


Is it really common to call her and almost right away ask her to go out?

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If you're conversing and relating on a message board, there's every possibility she is just as concerned as you about how to proceed.

Be honest! There's nothing like being truthful in any personal relationship. Describe your lack of experience and maybe she'll be sympathetic and guide you along. Girls are good at that sort of thing; perhaps its the mothering instinct.

Over 50 years ago, I asked a girl to be my wife. Happily, she said yes, and we're still hitched.

Thanks guys for your advices

cheers!

alphadog said:

Thanks guys for your advices

cheers!

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Do yourself a favor and act yourself now. Don't put off the inevitable, let the real you surface right away. If you are quiet, then that is you. The right one for you will dig you the way you are. I really don't know why anyone would be interested in someone who is as verble as a clam, but hey, there is someone for all you peeps out there. I am living proof

Mikebits said:

Do yourself a favor and act yourself now. Don't put off the inevitable, let the real you surface right away. If you are quiet, then that is you. The right one for you will dig you the way you are. I really don't know why anyone would be interested in someone who is as verble as a clam, but hey, there is someone for all you peeps out there. I am living proof

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I am a quiet person, who doesnt tend to hang out with people and such.
But after all, how could you meet new people if thats how you are?
At some point of time, you will have to make a change and become more verbal and talkative in order to get yourself a girl, even if its not your nature.

Use my best chatup line .........

"My watch says you're not wearing any underwear".

IF response="How did you know !!!!" then GOTO inthere
ELSE
response="Oh - it must be 30 minutes fast then !!"
ENDIF

inthere:
END

When you are smitten by the right girl, your discomfort with expressing yourself will dissappear. You will not know right away, but it will become obvious when you start blabbering like an idiot.
These things seem to come natural with the right person. Trick is not to rush things and not expect the first girl to be your miss right. The proverbial chemistry thing is somewhat true. When the atoms are right you both will have a natural affinity for eachother. Only way to find out is to check her out. You will know if a connection is there or not.

picbits said:

Use my best chatup line .........

"My watch says you're not wearing any underwear".

IF response="How did you know !!!!" then GOTO inthere
ELSE
response="Oh - it must be 30 minutes fast then !!"
ENDIF

inthere:
END

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Are you often given the title of dork?

Okay that was not nice, sorry...

Are you quiet around your friends and family or just people you don't know?

If you're always quite quiet then that's just you.

If you're talkative around your friends and family but quiet around new people then it's just a confidence problem.

If you're quiet around your friends and family but talkative when you first meet people it's another sign of a confidence problem because you're trying to avoid awkward silences.

Needless to say if you're always talkative then that's just you.

When I'm with my people who I know well I can be quiet but when I can go on a bit when I'm talking with someone who has similar interests. On the whole I'm more introvert than extrovert.

I'm not mega confident: when I'm nervous I can be quiet or talkative depending on the situation.

If you're quiet then don't worry about it, women are generally more verbose than men and are generally more happy with a man that listens more than he talks.

Don't think about how much you talk, if the two of you can't hold a conversation then it's not meant to be.

Going from what you're saying you don't sound like you're very confident. My advice is join clubs, go out, meet people. I know this is rich coming from me who spends most of his time on forums like this rather than socialising.

Have you ever been bullied before?

I have.

Don't worry too much about what people think, especially bullies. The whole thing about standing up to verbal bullies is rubbish. If people insult you then it's normally best to agree with them in a sarcastic manner rather than being defensive or aggressive.

You're an idiot!
So?

You're mum's fat!
I know!

Your retarded!
You're point being?

Shut up idiot!
Don't have to if I don't want to.

You get the general idea: they'll soon get bored of trying to bully you and move on to someone else.

Most bullying starts of a verbally but if you think someone is going to hit you don't look scared and don't be the one to throw the first punch. Stand firm, if they hit you try to block or deflect it, only retaliate if you think they're going to hit you again. Get out of the situation if you can. If someone does hit you report it to the police, teacher, your manager etc. don't let them get away with it or they'll do it again.

I know this is all easier said than done and I can assure you most of your worries are needless.

I wouldn't recommend online assertiveness, dating training courses that you have to pay for - all they want is your money.

alphadog said:

I am a quiet person, who doesnt tend to hang out with people and such.

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LMAO - that's interesting screen name you chose for yourself then! Maybe I should change mine to Wimpy Limp!

BTW, you better make sure you are actually conversing with a legal aged female and not some undercover sting operator or a nutcase drag queen! If she's using a live web cam during your chat sessions then I guess that would be proof enough.