Want a good laugh?

[JimB]

Sorry, but this Jokes author is implying Blondes are dumb but could the author of this joke may be her intellectual equal.

An interesting hypothesis.
But as a person of the blond type myself, I have a different take on the "story".

The tourists were from the USA and were being a bit loud and crass, as is sometimes the case with their fellow countrymen when travelling abroad.

The blonde waitress was student of mathematics at the nearby University of North Wales in Bangor. A bit of a Rachel Riley* sort of person, who was doing a part-time job to earn a few quid.
When asked the all important question:
"How do you pronounce:"

The devil made her give the facetious answer...

JimB


* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Riley

 

[gophert]

An interesting hypothesis.
But as a person of the blond type myself, I have a different take on the "story".

The tourists were from the USA and were being a bit loud and crass, as is sometimes the case with their fellow countrymen when travelling abroad.

The blonde waitress was student of mathematics at the nearby University of North Wales in Bangor. A bit of a Rachel Riley* sort of person, who was doing a part-time job to earn a few quid.
When asked the all important question:
"How do you pronounce:"
View attachment 113510

The devil made her give the facetious answer...

JimB


* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Riley

I don't think you found the error in the original story either.

Spoiler

There are No waitresses at Burger Kings - only cashiers.

 

[JimB]

There are No waitresses at Burger Kings - only cashiers.

Well, I never would have worked that one out.
I am not sure if I have ever been in a Burger King.
I was once in a place, late at night in the middle of Glasgow, it may have been a BK or a McD, I cannot remember it was many years ago.

What I do remember is that I was hoping that no one who knew me would walk into the place and find me there.
Unlikely as Glasgow is about 180 miles from here, but you cant be too careful!


JimB

 

[Grossel]

Can you resist my avatar ?

 

[JimB]

Can you resist my avatar ?

Y would we want to?

It does however describe some types of attenuator down to a T.

JimB

 

[throbscottle]

Well, I never would have worked that one out.
I am not sure if I have ever been in a Burger King.
I was once in a place, late at night in the middle of Glasgow, it may have been a BK or a McD, I cannot remember it was many years ago.

What I do remember is that I was hoping that no one who knew me would walk into the place and find me there.
Unlikely as Glasgow is about 180 miles from here, but you cant be too careful!


JimB

I used to visit a Wimpey in the middle of Glasgow. There were specks of oil floating on the coffee. It wasn't good coffee, either. For some reason I can't fathom, I kept going back. They don't have waitresses either.

 

[gophert]

I used to visit a Wimpey in the middle of Glasgow. There were specks of oil floating on the coffee. It wasn't good coffee, either. For some reason I can't fathom, I kept going back. They don't have waitresses either.

Don't worry about the specks of oil in your coffee.

The coffee you drink comes from beans (coffee beans). Beans are loaded with oils that are partially soluble in hot water. As the water cools, the oils separate and float in the water. Small batches of coffee made with a paper filter don't show this much because the oils cling to the filter. Percolated coffee or commercial size coffee machines with paper filters will make coffee that appears to be more "oily". The oily layer contains a high concentration of caffeine because caffeine has poor solubility in water.

 

[throbscottle]

This wasn't the film of coffee oil you get (I make fresh coffee every day so I know), this was droplets of cooking oil. Uhg.

 

[atferrari]

I used to visit a Wimpey in the middle of Glasgow. There were specks of oil floating on the coffee. It wasn't good coffee, either. For some reason I can't fathom, I kept going back. They don't have waitresses either.

Pure masochism?

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

Father and son
Son: dad, I want a motorbike
Father: I will buy u a violin
Son: no dad, I want a motorbike
Father: You will have a violin
After several months of violin lessons, Dad asked son to play something.

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

I moved this to Everything is Hazardous

 

[granddad]

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. I never heard that one before...

 

[throbscottle]

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. I never heard that one before...

That's because it just doesn't work if you hear it...

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

These look familiar but in case they haven't been posted.
Husbands and wives can't communicate
1. AVOCADOS
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.
------------------------------ -----------------
2. WATER IN THE CARBURETOR
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "
WIFE: "I tell you, the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?
WIFE: "In the pool."
3. STATISTIC
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.
That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.
4. HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No, darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you."
------------------------------ -----
5. TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."
Then he made the earth round, and He laughed and laughed and laughed .

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
Quotes
McMurphy: [about shock treatments] They was giving me ten thousand watts a day, you know, and I'm hot to trot! The next woman takes me on's gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars!

 

[ClydeCrashKop]

Very urgent , a good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Super Bowl, 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Patrick Church, at 3 pm. The bride's name is Michelle, she's 5'6", about 135 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

 

[Mickster]

Old guy gets a call from the IRS, regarding his bank account.
They asked him to come down and explain the large amounts of money coming into & out of his account in a satisfactory manner, otherwise they would have to perform a full audit of all of his past transactions going back many years.
He makes arrangements with his lawyer and attends the IRS building in the morning.
Once seated inside an office, his lawyer beside him, he asks the IRS interviewer what the problem is.
The IRS official states that personal accounts with large cash inflow and outflow have raised a flag, following recent IT upgrades, and to rule out money-laundering etc, an interview is required.
The old guy says the explanation is easy - "I'm a gambling man, I will place a bet on practically anything, in fact I have a bet for you right now."
IRS guy - "Ok, what's your bet?"
Old guy - "I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my own eye."
IRS guy is thinking nobody can do that - "Ok, you're on. $5,000 says you won't do it."
Old takes out his glass eye and bites it - "You owe me $5,000 buddy."
IRS guy shakes his head - "Damn, you got me there."
Old guy - "I want to give you another chance, double or quits?"
IRS guy - "What's the bet?"
Old guy - "I can bite my other eye...."
IRS guy is thinking - 'He walked in here and the lawyer wasn't leading him, he doesn't have a seeing-eye-dog, he can't have another glass eye'...."Ok Sir, I'll take that bet....$10,000 says you can't bite your other eye!".
Old guy pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye with them.
IRS guy - "Damn man, you suckered me there, my wife is gonna kill me."
Old guy - "I'm good at this, but I am fair, I will give you one more chance, double or quits. I am going to stand in this corner here, pee over your desk and get every drop in that trash can in the corner, 20 ft away, without spilling a single drop. You wanna take this bet?"
IRS guy is thinking - 'At his age, he'll probably have a hard time getting past the tips of his shoes.'...."Ok, I'll take you up on that, $20,000 says you won't do that without spilling a drop!"
The old guy drops his pants and sets about peeing. It goes all over the floor, the desk/keyboard/computer/paperwork and even the IRS guy's jacket hanging on his chair.
The IRS guy is jumping around the office, punching the air - "YES! $20,000 for me, Woohoo!"
The lawyer leans forward and puts his head in his hands.
The IRS guy asks the old guy - "What's wrong with him?"
The old guy replies - "At 7:00 this morning, I bet him $100,000 that I could pee all over your office and you would be happy about it. He took the bet!"

 

[shortbus=]

This was posted by me at AAC and deleted as being too political. Lets see if you guys think it is.

Trump was down at the boarder looking to see where the wall would go. As he's walking around a secret service agent is sticking close to him. About that time there is a pretty loud "bang". The agent yells out, "Mickey Mouse!" Trump and the agent both duck and the other agents come running. Ends up the bang was a car backfiring across the border, and everyone was relieved.

Trump called the agent, that yelled out aside to thank him personally. But after thanking him he asked, "why did you yell out Mickey Mouse?"

The agent replied, "well the bang startled me so bad I could think to say, "Donald duck".

 

[JimB]

Political ? No way.
Humorous ? Gave me a good laugh.

JimB

 

[DerStrom8]

Political ? No way.
Humorous ? Gave me a good laugh.

JimB

Agreed