Is There an Engineering Type: what is your experience?

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DerStrom8 said:
We're both very excited, though I'm a bit anxious. I've never been good with kids--They all seem scared of me. I'm kind of curious how this little bugger will deal with my strange and awkward behavior.....
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I wish I could tell you that babies instinctively love and cling to their parents and immediate family, but that would be a damn lie. If you aint mom, you aint ****. Or you might be **** but you aint THE ****. My two younger daughters wanted nothing to do with me; the middle one outgrew that just after she turned two, and now she's a daddy's girl. The younger one just turned two but I'm still chopped liver to her. Both of them as babies would/will tolerate me holding them as long as I do it standing up and moving. If I sit down, I punch a one-way ticket to fuss town. You wouldn't think it, but a little 15lb baby can put one hell of a strain on your back after a couple of hours. But mom, shoot, she just has to be in the same room to make them stop fussing. She doesn't have to walk around with them. She can sit down with them, lay down with them, lay down ON them, lay them down and walk away, whatever, just because she's mom. Like a BAWS.

And some people they just HATE for no good reason. My sister wanted to be the cool aunt who everybody loves. She was present for the birth of my youngest and she cut the cord. From the day that baby came out, she would cry any time my sister came near. Once she got old enough to have facial expressions, all my sister ever got was terror and disgust. It really got to her. She cried once when she tried to kiss the baby and the baby wretched away and scratched her face. Now two years later she finally got the baby on her side. She snapped a selfie with the baby giving her a kiss on the cheek and it's her most prized facebook picture.

Careful with that. It's something I struggle with. I couldn't/can't help but let myself imagine my kids growing into total geniuses and communicating with me on the deepest level of nerd, but so far the magic 8-ball keeps coming back with "ask again later." I really don't want to build up this fantastical image of what the future holds for them, what they're going to be like, who and what they're going to be interested in, et. al. because they are their own creatures. You can influence them, but you can't make them something that they're not destined to be. You need to consider the possibility that they might turn out to be average Joes who have no interest in your nerdy pursuits, and be comfortable with that, and not be disappointed by it. Your son might be a football jock; he might look at you through 16y/o eyes and see you as a grown up version of the kids he picks on at school. Or not, you just don't know. But what seems obvious to me is that if you spend your kid's whole childhood trying to lead them in a direction that they don't want to go, they're going to resent you for that. And if you make it obvious to them that you have some dream of what they should be, and they aren't living up to it, they're going to feel like a failure and have a low self esteem. I probably sound like a downer right now; I don't mean to. My point is, "life's like a box of chocolates" ...and all that. Be ready and excited to celebrate them for whatever they are and not just what you hope they'll be. (you know, just so long as they don't aspire for the spotlight of bondage porno)
 

Oh I know, I am certainly not going to expect them to take after either of us, especially considering my wife and just about everyone in her family has ADHD. I most definitely wouldn't force them to do anything that doesn't interest them. I am a firm believer in letting people be who they want to be (provided they don't cause harm to others by it). My parents gave me a lot of freedom growing up, all things considered. They let me choose my own hobbies, my own bedtime, my own friends, clothes, hairdos, etc and I don't feel I ever really rebelled. I guess just knowing that I could be whatever I wanted to be was enough. I would very much like to extend that freedom to my own children, provided it doesn't endanger their health or others' health in any way.

Heck, one could be a lawyer and one could be a football player, or one could be a waiter/waitress and one could be a retail sales associate (none of which are professions my wife nor I have any interest in whatsoever) and I would still be a very proud father.

That being said, I would love to have a little "apprentice", so I will certainly offer that opportunity to them. Whether they take it or not is entirely their choice, and I won't think any less of them if they don't follow in my footsteps.

Matt

P.S. I just noticed I've been saying "them", and suggesting that there will be two. I guess that's because my wife and I decided two would probably be the cutoff
 
DerStrom8 said:
though I'm a bit anxious. I've never been good with kids
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Is this your first?
If so the very fact you are thinking about how you will relate to your offspring means you will be OK. Most blokes feel awkward about babies- I certainly did. And when they are first hatched there is not normally much to them apart from drinking, crying etc. But as they grow a bit they become little characters and the sign this has happened is with the first smile. Kids only care about a few things. The main one is security and the other one is consistency. Judging by the impression I get from your ETO posts you will make a good dad.

spec

(this post crossed with the above posts)
 
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Hi spec,

This is my first, yes. I appreciate your encouraging remarks. One of my concerns is that I generally work 10.5 hour days, but I want to be a major part of my child's life. I am hoping I will have enough time to spend with them even with my busy work schedule. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation....
 

Understandably, you are concerned about this big event in your life. Understandably you are unsure. You wouldn't be human if not. And make no mistake, you may have thought your life changed when you got married but that was only a minor tremor compared to the earth quake that is about to hit your home environment. It will be all change. You will have a new person in the house. Your wife will change. You will have your sleep, meals etc interrupted and you will not be able to go anywhere with your missus without making major plans. And most of all you will change.

You say you work 10.5 hour days- that is a lot but that still leaves 13.5 Hrs. Say you have 8 Hrs sleep that gives 5.5 hours baby time- more than enough. And there is the weekends as well (or do you work weekends). Some kids don't see their Dads from one month to the next- Navy men for example, but even that works out.

As I have said before, your role in all this is strength, reliability, and consistency. That's what mummy and baby will be looking for. You don't even have to be there to give this security to your new family. You will be a major part of your child's life whether you are there or not.

spec
 
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Strantor, Thanks for the insight. It seems like you have ladies figured out. That explains a lot. My wife & I were married 35 years before I realized that she had a 3 day silent treatment policy after I committed a minor infraction. A few times, that was almost too much. I too learned to see it coming and figured, okay, lets get it over with.

I heard that most women in prison committed their crimes during their PMS cycle.

My father & I were never very close. Just different types of people. He tried to get me interested in flying model airplanes. I wasn't very interested because he had a way of making play seem like work. He was annoyed when I got interested in flying model airplanes when my friends were doing it. I didn't explain it to him.

My father liked to make rules & restrictions. I didn't like rules, so I made very few for my daughter. That didn't work out well at all.
 
What I don;t like about rules is: When something bad happens, the newly made rule becomes all or nothing. Never something in-between.

Be warned that births/deaths are more likely to occur during a certain weather phase.

Do remember tat you can choose your friends, but not your family.
Parents are forever, sort of. As they get older, it's a whole new ball game. Mom grew up in the depression, so a lot of stuff is from that ERA.
there are arguments about which way to peal the potatoes (clockwise or counter-clockwise). What pan to use when cooking. Which way to take driving. one way may have "more traffic lights". No logic: Can we do a test - no. e.g. clothes won't dry unless hung by the elastic. Inside I hang underwear sideways and attach multiple pairs vertically to save space. OCD issues: e.g. pants and underwear have to be hung together and not facing the neighbor. She would actually go and re-arrange them. She can't now. I'm lucky, if the stuff in the fridge ends up on the same shelf.

Her priorities always win. Mine are irrelevant, even though they are the same things. She's in a wheelchair nearly 24/7 and about 90 YO.
 
Hey, throb. I can't believe I've not read this thread since March... (how'd I do that ?)

Missed DS8's upcoming blessed event and all that chat about female craziness - "true dat" (been married 3 times... ).

All of which generated your comment above, I assume (which, for some reason, I caught).
 
throbscottle said:
If anyone is still reading this, another "trait" occured to me:
The tendency to gossip like old women!
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Not like old women. There is talking and talking. Most engineering types, have a wide range of interests and wider than normal knowledge and, apart from the reserved or shy types, will talk accordingly. Even the shy/quiet types will normally open up in the right environment and on a particular subject.

In out test-gear department at work there was an odd frail, withered old guy. He lived in a little room where he repaired the AVO meters (like Simpson). He had the shakes and spoke with a quiver, that is if he spoke at all. One day, in my multimeter designing/building days, I asked him about a problem. He suddenly opened up and spoke for about half an hour all about multimeter design and performance. He even gave me a movement from a busted AVO- a beautiful precision 26uA, 5 inch dial instrument. We got talking further and I learned that he was a WW2 soldier fighting in Burma. He was captured by the Japs and tortured. I saw him in a new light after that.

One test of a conversation is the 'I', 'me' and 'my' count. Women are notorious for using the three forbidden personal pronouns. The other thing is the amount of innuendo and and rumor mongering and the complete absence of any facts or material subjects. And the transmit to recieve ratio. There are many more tests but, in general, there is a vast difference between the conversations of women and men- although some men do talk like women.

The other day we had lunch in a pub. Opposite us was a table of about ten women. They were were making an awful din (we had no problem with this, quite the opposite): all talking, laughing and screaming but no-one listening.

spec
 
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4 paragraphs of innuendo and rumor. Are you a woman, spec?
 
gophert said:
4 paragraphs of innuendo and rumor. Are you a woman, spec?
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You need to stick to the subject and look at a dictionary gophert. You are reacting just like a woman ie ad hominem attacks. Are you a woman? If so that would explain it and I am sorry to have upset you.

spec
 
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gopgert I think is yanking your chain. I think it's time to chill a bit. That's the problem with politics - you can't keep the thread civilized.
 
spec said:
You need to stick to the subject and look at a dictionary gophert. You are reacting just like a woman ie ad hominem attacks. Are you a woman? If so that would explain it and I am sorry to have upset you.

spec
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The necklace, hair ribbons and dress didn't give it away?
PS. I don't wear underwear under there.

 
I could not see the dress on your Avatar.
 
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Odd: A disagreed post has the desired positive effect: "gopgert I think is yanking your chain. I think it's time to chill a bit. That's the problem with politics - you can't keep the thread civilized."
 
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