Post some funny stuff...

Went to the beach with the wife yesterday.
Booty shorts riding high, cheeks spilling out, and a see-through top.
Man, I was looking good!
She wasn't impressed.

Mickster said:

Booty shorts riding high, cheeks spilling out, and a see-through top.
Man, I was looking good!

Click to expand...

Seems like the mods have deleted the pictures.

This funny in a good way for ETO.

We are totally relaxed here. And visitors see that. 2 screenshots taken around 2 mins apart:

shortbus= said:

Seems like the mods have deleted the pictures

Click to expand...

That's a relief !!

Sorry for double posting the first one. But hopefully all get the idea.

ETO has many less members online than AAC...why?

It's simple. Quality advise doesn't need lots of members rushing to help for internet or forum points. Here at ETO we have always done things differently.

Cause our advise is rock solid.

Look at the second screenshot... not a big difference in unknown people checking out ETO vs AAC.

ETO known for good advise on the Net.

That's why Newbies check us out

tv

It was disappointing to learn that the 50th Anniversary Woodstock 50 was cancelled

...and I was all set to make the announcement "Stay Away from the Brown Metamucil".

Don't know how funny...but I ran across this yesterday. Not sure what kind of wasps they are, but the Bouncer looked pretty bada$$ to me.

DrG said:

..but I ran across this yesterday.

Click to expand...

I woulda ran too, you must have a good camera to get that clear of a pic at sprinting speed.

Many moons ago, probably aged around 17, I was working at a job as a trainee.
We had a new stony-faced General Manager, that had a hard reputation which came to be known at our company before he had even transferred.
He had been with us for perhaps a couple of months at this point:
One particular day, we had finished the work with maybe an hour or so left, before we went home.
With not much else to do, since the tidying up was done and we had cleaners who came in after we left, the fooling around started.
I do a pretty good chicken noise, and after a bit of egging-on, it was my turn and I was in the middle of the shop floor, with a partially-inflated rubber glove on my head.
The arms were flapping and the exaggerated head/leg movements were being done, since I wanted to make a good show of it. After a couple of "Buck, buck........buck-aw's"/walks/pecks/foot scratches, the laughing stopped. I looked at my colleagues, and then where they were looking.
Got to say I puckered a bit.....well, more than a bit.
He was standing at the doorway between the offices and the shop floor, maybe ten feet from where I was.
He seemed to walk over in slo-mo, his face not changing, and I thought "I know where I am going to be in the morning....HR".
As he leaned in to speak, he looked up at the top of my head and said "We provide those, I hope you're not chopping the fingers off and taking them home to use on your girlfriend", winked, then just walked away.

He'd previously appeared on UK TV, may have been 'That's Life', but I can't remember for sure.
CCTV showed him park in his usual spot, in front of a glass showroom window.
That particular morning, he got a little too close and the window shattered.
He just got out of the car as normal, and walked into his office as if nothing had happened.

He was found to be a very good manager and a really decent/funny guy, once the hype was kicked into touch.

Along similar lines .. .. .. .. .. .

As a young, newly qualified teacher in my first school post I was detailed to help other staff with a kids toy appeal that was designed to provide fit for use toys to be shipped to disadvantaged kids in other places.

The headteacher at the time was a bit of a practical joker and having been the butt of his jokes on several occasions I felt the need for some retribution.
One morning a student arrived with one of these .. .. .. .



.. .. .. .. .. . and with the help of the IT dept. a pair of realistic looking number plates ' GR 1 ' were manufactured and fixed to the front and back of the car and the next morning the car was parked in the corridor outside the head's office door.

What I didn't know was that inside the Head's office a meeting was in progress involving the Head, the Head of the Local Education Authority and the PPS to the Secretary of State for Education to name but a few.
Refreshments had been laid on a table in the same corridor and it seems most of the delegates walked past the car to partake but although there was much sniggering, not one of them mentioned anything to the Head and it was only as the meeting concluded and delegates were leaving that he discovered it for himself.

I've never understood how he instantly knew I was the culprit !

Turned out OK though, both that Head & I are now well retired after many other similar 'gags' and remain in touch as good friends.

S

As a kid, maybe around 10 or 11, a common meeting place for 'the gang' would be around one of your friend's houses.
One friend was usually always late being ready, and we ended up going inside, to be 'entertained' by his parents whilst we waited for him.
His mother was generally scurrying around and putting stuff out of sight, as mothers do, whilst his father did the entertaining...
I heard what comes below many times, simply because I always asked him to regale it, in order to memorize it for myself:
(Had to clean it up for ETO's PG rating)
BTW, this came from a huge man with a very strong Irish accent, so try to imagine that as you read it...

The dogs once held a party.
They came from near and far.
Some they came by aeroplane,
and more by motor car.
Once inside the meeting place,
instructions they all took.
Each one took his bum-hole off,
and hung it on a hook.
Now, the meeting had only just begun,
when a big dog shouted "Fire!".
They ran out, madly, in a pack,
they had no time to look.
Each one took the nearest bum-hole,
from the nearest hook.
And that is why a dog will leave a bone,
to sniff another dog's bum-hole,
to see if it's his own...

Thanks Paddy.

Another one from when I was a kid.....
Guessing that I was probably around the same age as the post above.
We lived on what we termed a 'main road', which was kinda busy, but not constantly.
It was more of a collector road, instead of an arterial road, but I digress.
After leaving the house and checking there was enough time to cross the road, from between parked cars , I set off to wherever I was going.
About 3/4 of the way across the road, that urge to pee presented itself and I spun around to go back home.
Luckily, the driver had seen me and hit his brakes early enough, so that I got nothing more than a gentle shove, which put me on my hands & knees.
I jumped up checked myself, then ran into the house. (We didn't have to lock & bolt the door during the daytime then)
My Mother went to the door because of all the knocking from the driver, then quickly came to the bathroom to find me taking my pants off.
She looked at the pants and asked if I was hurt, and I said I wasn't, so she disappeared back toward the front door, where I heard her say, at what I swear seemed to me to be 135 dB, "He's ok, he's just peed his pants!"
Left the house by the back door for a couple of weeks after that.

Surely all you guys on here must have something funny to share, or am I the only stooge now and that is a "no"?

A little over 20 years ago, a group of us used to meet at a snooker/pool club at weekends, and sometimes, midweek.
I would likely be classed as a very average player, probably lost as many games as were won in the pub leagues.
A friend was a little better, and probably had a 60/40 win/loss ratio, or even a bit above that.
One night, we were in the club having a few drinks/shooting our mouths off, and this friend said "I bet I could beat you one-handed!"
In the corner at the end of the bar, was a mop and bucket.
I said, "In that case, I bet I can beat you with the mop!".
And it was on...
He was one-handed with a regular cue, and I had two hands with a mop.
Mops don't take chalk too well, since the cue tips are far smaller and the cubes get worn down in the middle.
The end of the mop looked like a hooker had put lipstick on in the dark.
We flipped a coin and I won.....great, I get to break off!
You ever tried cuing up with a mop?.......try doing it with a heavy wet one! Should have checked it first....
I attempted to break off and ended up hitting the side cushion, missing all of the balls, giving a foul and 2 free shots.
My friend could only line up his shot, by using the rails/cushions to slide the cue over, "one-handed" is harder than you think when the cue shaft shifts from wooden rail to baize and back.
We went back and forth, down to the black (8) ball, which he eventually sunk.
I bought the beers for that game, but took a bit of comfort from what he said next...
"If you had beaten me, I would have had to turn in my membership card, break my cue, and take up some crap like knitting!"

ClydeCrashKop said:

View attachment 120501

Click to expand...

Had to print that one out for my wife.

There is something very wrong about a solid gold toilet...it aint no Ferguson!

With regard to the stolen toilet, It appears the police have nothing to go on.

Mike.

Pommie said:

With regard to the stolen toilet, It appears the police have nothing to go on.

Mike.

Click to expand...

You've been reading the headlines in the papers again!

But my first thought is how was it done?, it must weigh a great deal.

According to the news reports a great deal of damage was caused as well as they just ripped it out, and left water flooding everywhere.

Many years ago, my sister had passed her driving test and had been making her way to work for a few months afterwards, alone in the car.
Our mother had to meet an appointment at the local hospital, which was on the way to my sister's job, so she drove her. (Our mother used to drive, but had to surrender her licence due to sickness)
The taken route, over what was locally termed 'the bypass', (Ian Rogers & Pommie might be familiar with it - A627) was commonly used by driving school instructors, to give learners a bit of experience of higher-than-urban speeds - the limit was 50 MPH. The main section of the road was elevated above an arterial road (A62), and had slip-lanes leading to, and from, a roundabout (traffic-circle/island for our US viewers) which was situated directly beneath, and bisected the arterial road (A62).
So, they set off and traveled along 'the bypass'.
My sister indicates, enters 'the bypass' exit lane, circles the roundabout, indicates and joins the lane back onto 'the bypass'.
Our mother thought that my sister was maybe not quite sure which was the best route to take, decided to try another way, then changed her mind....women do that sometimes....so she let it go.
A couple of weeks later, our mother had another hospital appointment and my sister again drove her.
The same thing happened.
The third appointment resulted in the same exact route, when our mother asked the question:
"Sweetheart, why are you exiting 'the bypass', going around the roundabout, then getting back on?"
My sister replied "Because you have to."
Our mother replied "No you don't, that's why the road continues over the top of the roundabout..."
So, for a few months, my sister had been going to work each day (during rush-hour traffic) and exiting 'the bypass', going around the roundabout, then taking the lane back onto 'the bypass'.
All because that was the route the driving instructor made her take, each time she had a driving lesson.....