Perfect. The relay won;t work using Les's schematic.
Don't use the schematic in post #55.
If you put the diode across the coil, STOP. Tell me how the diode is connected.
Disconnect everything that's connected to 87. 87a and 30 on both relays.
Connect both pins 85 to a source of 12 V. (Alarm power is OK, Lock power is OK)
Connect orange to pin 86 (-lock) on one relay.
Connect orange/white (-unlock) to pin 86 on the other relay.
Set your meter to ohms.
Connect your meter across pins 30 and 87a across one of the relays. Pick a low resistance range e.g. 200 ohms. It should show ~0 ohms.
Try to lock/unlock the door.
Mark the relay that opens, either lock or unlock. The relay marking should correspond to the -lock/-unlock wires that it's connected to.
Do, the same for the other relay.
"Relay that Opens" means the resistance goes to +infinity. It might be a +1 or whatever on your meter. Whatever your meter reads when in ohms and the leads are not connected to anything.
STOP
edit: Added If you put the diode across the coil rather than using "in".